Tag Archives: missions

A Transformed/ing Heart

*Original publication date is December 2011

The school called and asked if I would pick up teaching a class I’ve never taught before (speech) – whole different department even!  I’m certified in it, but that just means I tested well that day.

I saw lots of problems with picking up this class:

  • No prep time – it starts in January!
  • Extends my day because it switches my conference period
  • 30+ more things to grade
  • 30+ more personalities to deal with (and the parents that go along with them)
  • Means that I cannnot make doctors appointments during my conference – no way can I get to Dallas and back in 90 minutes.
  • So…if I have to make a doctor’s appointment at all next semester (is that likely?  haha) then I will have to get a sub.  Since I have no sub days, I’ll lose $291 or half that depending on however it gets calculated out for that day.
  • I’m tired; I don’t wanna…

But, I had some other thoughts, too:

  • I’ve been praying that God would help me reach the medical community (specifically OBs) more than I am in advocating for the TAC and proper provider education on cervical insufficiency.  Perhaps teaching this new course dealing in communication would help prepare me for this.
  • I’d have the opportunity to build 30+ new relationships with students
  • I’d be in a new teacher circle that I’m not currently in – maybe they need encouragement or have something for me to learn!
  • I don’t always want to be the teacher that says no – which is who I’ve always been. I love my administration and if I can help serve them, then I want to.

So…initially I thought no, but there was the tiniest spark of an idea in me that maybe I ought to see what the Lord says about it.  So, Nam and I prayed.  And, then the question came up in my heart: what would a missionary say?  Would he say no for self-preservation, or would he say yes and step out on faith that God could take care of the concerns?

Do I want to be me-centered or Kingdom-centered?  That answer is clear…so, then, was my answer…

I am stepping out on faith to see what God has for me here.  I trust that He will handle every single concern.  I figure if I can trust Him with my sons, trust Him with my brain tumor, trust Him with my eternity, then surely I can trust Him with money and schedules and tiredness.  And, I know I can.

What fascinates me most about this is that I don’t think a year and a half ago that I would have said yes.  I don’t think before I lost my sons that I would have known how deeply I can trust my God.  I hadn’t yet given God the chance to be faithful to me with me watching and waiting.

I am so thrilled to see God changing me and to do it through my precious sons.  He is ever faithful.